Taylor Swift's New Album Is Not A Showgirl

BY: CARESSE LIANG/ STAFF WRITER

Taylor Swift, dressed and pictured with other showgirls. [PHOTO CREDIT: Deadline]

Taylor Swift’s new album, The Life of a Showgirl, is frankly not an Opalite. “Afflicted by a terminal uniqueness,” Taylor introduces this album to be a representation of her happiness with her fiancée, Travis Kelce, and her career as an artist.

According to Billboard, “One aspect of Swift’s songwriting that has remained consistent throughout her career is the incorporation of love and relationship-themed lyrics, “ and it is abundantly clear throughout this entire album. 

This album is littered with romantic subtexts, with classical figures in both historical and contemporary work and samples from other love-songs. These can be seen in songs such as, “The Fate of Ophelia,” “Elizabeth Taylor,” and “Father Figure.” 

Starting out with a strong start with “The Fate of Ophelia,” she talks about her relationship with Travis Kelce with an interpretation of synth-pop music. As suggested by the title, she compares her experiences with Kelce to Ophelia, a character in Hamlet. At first listen, I consider this song to be a good start to the album; it shares the same rhythmic, romantic chorus as her previous songs, but it falls off with her weird writing. 

Unfortunately, I cannot say the same thing for the rest of the songs. Further down the list, I found that the artistic decision of “dumbing-down” her character to a girl who fell in love with a football player’s love—in which “his love was the key that opened [her] thighs—was what made this album indigestible. I believe that Taylor took this work to be a way to mimic other artists and to prove her self-worth towards the public. 

Swift, adorning a red corset with matching red gloves, on a green leather couch. [PHOTO CREDIT: People]

The long list of songs did not move me in the slightest; I felt that they all sounded childish and felt like rubbish—and I’m not even British. The song, “Wood,” was definitely a huge let-down. This song is a message towards the fans on how her relationship with Kelce is a lucky miracle, to the point where she doesn’t need to “knock on wood.” 

Would I recommend this song as a charting legend? Absolutely not. Swift uses this song as a form of a sexual awakening with her fans—comparing Kelce’s magical manhood to an innocent Redwood tree. Paired with a child-like instrumental and ending with a horrible fall-off, I heavily dislike this song and would recommend skipping this one.

The most controversial song on this list, “Actually Romantic,” has been rumored to be a “diss-track,” to fellow singer, Charli XCX. Fans have speculated that the title was taken from Charli’s similarly-titled song, “Everything Is Romantic,” and the message of the song is a response to “Sympathy is a Knife.” 

In the song, Charli explicitly says, “I don't wanna share the space/I don't wanna force a smile/This one girl taps my insecurities/Don't know if it's real or if I'm spiraling.” Despite the clear message on how becoming mainstream revealed her insecurities, fans took it to be a song about Swift. It should be important to note that the singer has repeatedly said that it was not and reprimanded the fans that spread the message. 

At first listen, I thought this song was a terrible example of Swift’s extensive discography. The lyrical work, “I heard you call me "Boring Barbie" when the coke's got you brave/High-fived my ex and then you said you're glad he ghosted me,” paired with an awful backtrack, was what brought down the knife for me. It’s even worse with the addition of new sexual innuendos in the bridge. 

Swift, dressed in diamonds. [PHOTO CREDIT: Forbes]

My ears continued to be tested some more with Swift’s second payback, “CANCELLED!” The song talks about Swift’s disregard for her “cancelled” friends through the lyrics, “Good thing I like my friends cancelled/I like 'em cloaked in Gucci and in scandal.” 

This is significant because she was called out for a multitude of reasons: her friendship with Blake Lively during her lawsuit, her friendship with MAGA friends, and her reputation as a “white billionaire.” Her attitude and decision to release both of these seems tone-deaf and plain idiotic; I believe that both of these songs are the worst in the album, overall. 

This legendary album is plain, abysmal and excruciating. I could barely listen past “Father Figure,” as all the songs sounded the same and repeated themselves throughout the album. I personally recommend skipping this album, and the thousands of other versions, from Taylor Swift. I hope that she uses this as a learning experience to produce a good album, such as Midnights, 1989, and Reputation.

Rating: 3.5/10